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Jim Clyde Monge
4 min readOct 6, 2021

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Are you a Romanticizer, Maximizer, or a Hesitater?

Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

I just finished reading an increfible book called “How To Not Die Alone” by behavioral scientist and dating coach Logan Ury. The book describes what usually trips people up when looking for love and provides pieces of advice on how to make better decisions.

In the first chapter of the book, Ury described The Three Dating Tendencies — The Romanticizer, Maximizer, and Hesitater. These are the common blind spots when it comes to dating.

The Romanticizer has unrealistic expectations of relationships. You believe you are single because you haven’t met the right person yet.

The Romanticizer are the type of people who believes that there is someone out there for everyone. They believe that their Prince/Princess Charming will eventually find them and they’ll live happily ever after. These are people who probably consumed so much Disney Movies in their childhood.

The Maximizer has unrealistic expectations of their partner. You’re the type of person who’d say ‘I like my girlfriend, but I could be 5% happier with somebody else’. Your motto: Why settle?

The Maximizer likes to explore their options. Exhaust all possibilities until they are sure that they found the right one. They are the ones that’s having a hard time making commitments to long-term relationships. I used to be maximizer myself, but I’m recovering from it now.

The Hesitater has unrealistic expectations of themselves. They are the type of person who isn’t even dating because in their mind, they’re not ready to date yet. They often tell themselves: I’ll wait until I’m a “catch.”

The Hesitater always thinks that they have to be successful in their career first, that they need to figure stuff out with their family, that they have to get fit before they start dating.

If you are not sure whether you are a Romanticizer, Maximizer, or a Hesitater, then take the quiz below to know your type…

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